It’s too early for a mid-life crisis

I don’t mean like, early in the day.

I’m talking about my age: 36 is way too early for a mid-life crisis, right?

Also, I kind of feel like I just did this. When I turned 30 I had a major existential crisis, complete with “What am I doing with my life?!” freakout. I can’t say that I’m exactly where I’d imagined I’d be in my mid-30s, but I’m also not living in a shitty apartment in a seedy area with a dude who barely likes me, working a job I loathe.

At least I don’t think any of those things are true. Sometimes I wonder how much Dan likes me when I’m nagging him to pick up his socks, but I don’t loathe my job and I live in a nice place, so there’s that.

All jokes aside, I’m not loving certain aspects of my life lately. The biggest source of stress has been my job. When I first started the position, and even for the three years after that, it was great and I loved it. A whole bunch of things have changed in the last year, and they were all things that I really loved about the job, like the flexibility. So I’m unhappy, and we all know that when we devote so many of our waking hours to something we dislike, it makes us unhappy. So I’m attempting to come up with ways to be less unhappy. One of those ways will be to quit my job eventually, but neither my personal life or my financial life is ready for that step.

I’m also not quite sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. The industry I currently work in is one I kind of fell into; like many people, I realized I was good at a thing, and people would pay me to do the thing, so I’ve been doing the thing for most of my adult life. It’s not that I necessarily want to keep doing the thing, but I continued to be offered those kinds of jobs and collecting paychecks, and until recently it hasn’t made me actively miserable, so I never put much thought into what I’d like to do next. This is the whole reason I never finished college: how am I supposed to decide the one thing I want to spend the bulk of my life doing? It seems an impossible task. I know some people have passions that they can turn into careers, like Dan with his airplanes and some of my engineer friends, but there aren’t a lot of things I feel that strongly about.

Except writing.

More and more I’ve realized that writing is something I’d like to do like, as a career. For money. So that when someone asks me what I do I can say, “Oh, I’m a writer.”

Part of me feels like I’m already a writer. I write things, ergo, I’m a writer. But I also have a wicked case of Imposter Syndrome and feel like a fraud any time I attempt to assert myself as an authority on basically anything.

So last week I took myself on a little solo retreat to get my life together. I took time away from work. I took a lot of baths. I didn’t talk to anyone, ate a lot of crap, drank a lot of coffee. And I fucking wrote shit. It was glorious. When I left the Airbnb I rented I felt so relaxed and ready to DO THE THINGS: writing things, blog things, literally all the things.

One of those things is a giveaway that I’ve been promising for months. I have a big ass box of shiny new goodies, and I want to give them to you, and you, and you over there in the corner. My goal is to take photos and get that up by the end of the week. I have other writing projects I’ve been working on and an episode of the podcast to get out so it’s going to be a lovely, creative week. I’m excited.

15 thoughts on “It’s too early for a mid-life crisis

  1. It doesn’t sound like a crisis – more like a re-evaluation…and that’s totally normal. Plus you’re already taking steps forward toward…? It’s okay that you don’t know – or that you don’t want to quantify it. Pursuing things on a small scale to see how they go before diving headlong into a full life change is actually very responsible. Keep chipping away at what you’d like to eventually be (a full-time writer/blogger/podcaster?) and over time you may very well find yourself exactly where you envisioned. IOW, small steps are still steps…they still count. And, FWIW I know I’m not the only one rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s the ? that scares me so much. Steps toward… what? Quitting my job and freelancing while traveling the world? Writing a novel in a tiny shed out back? The possibilities are many and that’s exciting, sure, but also overwhelming.

      Thank you for your confidence in me! I know I’ll need it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I get it. Just take some time and it will clarify. I don’t do well without some certanties and structure either…nor am I patient. I’m often my own worst enemy and just need to get out of my own way by just taking it as it comes knowing it will eventually become more defined.

        You got it! 💕

        Like

  2. I think it’d be kind of terrifying never to have a crisis. 😀 I mean, what, should I just tramp happily through life, never thinking, never changing? That’d be kind of brain-dead to me. So I think you’re okay, honey. Crises are good. 🙂

    (Unless you’re having a big one every week. In that case, it’s time to get meds for your mania.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If your feeling this, it means your normal. Everyone goes through a crisis on different levels every so often. It’s life, telling you your alive, your smart enough to question things, ideas, decisions etc. Like Heather said your re-evaluating what’s presently going on in your life. That’s a good thing! Also, men have crises, women have episodes, lol. You’ve got this, you can and will do what you want to do, chin up, soldier on! 😎😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Love that you knew you needed to do some soul searching and went ahead and set yourself up with a perfect setting for you to do just that. And you actually got things accomplished! Yay for your next chapter in your journey!

    Liked by 2 people

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