Drama and nastiness in the beauty community

I have a confession to make: I really like drama channels on YouTube.

I don’t remember how I first found channels like Petty Paige and Peter Monn, but I enjoy the two of them. I know there are a ton of drama channels but I don’t like some of the bigger ones, like Here For the Tea. The level of clickbait exhibited on that channel is just… I can’t.

Anyway.

These are the videos I keep on in the background while I’m working and going about my life. I don’t listen very closely, because why would I? To me it’s almost like watching the local news; I like to have a vague idea of what’s happening in the (beauty) world but I don’t generally put much thought into it beyond making sure that the people I care about aren’t embroiled in some kind of sophomoric and nonsensical “scandal”.

Now, when you mention the beauty community and scandal, the first person that I and many others think of is, of course, Jeffree Star.

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Until the recent Shane Dawson series, I was only vaguely aware of who Jeffree is. Obviously, I’d heard of his brand, his feud with Kat Von D, and the stuff about him being an overt racist, but that was really where it ended. Ain’t nobody got time to commit this kind of bullshit to memory, so other than wondering how the hell he got so beautiful I didn’t give Jeffree much thought. I haven’t supported his brand or anything he’s involved with on principle and gone about my life.

Last week Manny MUA, Laura Lee and some other YouTubers I’ve never heard of were hanging out in Spain with NARS, like you do, and I guess they were being shitty to or about Jeffree Star on their various social media platforms, and the drama channels exploded. My whole YouTube feed has been clogged with stuff about these people talking shit about their former friend, and it got me thinking…

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Who does that? I mean, these people are presumably adults. Some of them are in their 30s now. My age. What kind of adult sits around with their friends talking shit about someone they used to be close to and films it? Is this narcissism, stupidity or both?

I’d be lying if I said I’d never uttered an unkind word about an ex-friend, but to me, there’s nothing worse than falling out with someone I’ve been close to. It’s happened more in my life than I would have liked, but people grow apart and priorities change and sometimes it’s the best thing for everyone involved. A few years ago I had a falling out with someone I’d been close to since I was 11 years old and I was devastated. I do still miss her sometimes but I also remember the not-so-nice things that happened that pushed us to the point where our friendship ended. In the immediate aftermath I was angry and bitter and talked plenty of shit about her, but I never would have posted that on social media or decided to sit in front of a camera and detail why our relationship ended.

I watch a lot of YouTube. Some of my favorite channels involve travel, the paranormal, so many things besides beauty. But it seems like the beauty community as a whole is full of childish, sniping, negative, bitter people. It’s my absolute least favorite thing about the platform and the community, but it’s so normal and accepted that no one realizes it’s not cool unless they do something really terrible, like go on a racist Twitter rant or something. Even then, do they apologize because they worry about losing subscribers or because they’re genuinely sorry for being shitty and terrible people?

I find it troubling at best. These people are the face of the beauty community and making money hand over fist for being awful. Why aren’t we, the audience/consumer, more upset about this? Collectively shouldn’t we be trying to buck the stereotype of the superficial, catty, entitled makeup artist or beauty enthusiast?

I’ve had my toe in the waters of the beauty community for almost a year, though I’ve been an obsessive beauty lover for a lot longer, and my experiences writing this blog and on other social media platforms have been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve “met” so many incredible people of all races, genders, ages, and situations who all share my love and passion for beauty, in whatever way they define it. Not everyone wears makeup. Not everyone spends a small fortune on Korean skincare. We talk to each other, support each other, and everyone I’ve encountered is genuinely open to hearing the opinions of others, especially where products are concerned.

Sure, I get envious when, for example, my pal Novaย gets a VoxBox that I don’t, or somehow wrangles a Poshly prize, but at the same time, I’m thrilled for her. She’s awesome, her photo skills are on point and she’s worked really hard to get where she is. Our mutual admiration society started months ago when she slid into my DMs and talked about how much we have in common and how she knew we’d get along, and she was right. Shouldn’t social media be more about meaningful connections than tea and shade? Her success doesn’t have any real impact on me aside from her ability to give me info about getting free stuff. It’s not like there’s a finite amount of success available in the beauty community.

As much as I love being a part of this world I sometimes wonder if it’s really the place for me. Even ignoring factors like age (old), weight (fat) and looks (average at best), is it possible to be really successful without trashing other people? It doesn’t seem like it.

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10 Comments

  1. hethrgood
    Permalink

    First: Good for you for calling them out for it in public!

    There is LOTS of cattiness in the beauty arena – but I think it’s to be expected. Many are narcissistic and, surprisingly, NOT self confident – they use their beauty in a bid for a vapid “popularity” contest but, truly, it’s all smoke and mirrors. They can only keep their true nature at bay for so long before it comes bleeding out for all to witness – and it comes about even quicker when they have some supportive “friends” to back their cattiness.

    I come across cattiness every so often and just ignore it. I’ve got higher priorities in my world and, honestly, it just shows the haters’ true colors. If they win followers for being awful to others in the industry, they probably deserve them. In time, the tables will turn. Karma is a lovely thing…

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Teresa
      Permalink

      Sometimes karma just doesn’t work fast enough for me ๐Ÿ˜‚

      This is something that’s bothered me for a long time. Life is hard enough without making things shitty for other people. What’s the end goal? Maybe this is why I’ve always been generally well liked but never “popular”. I mistakenly thought stuff like that stopped being important after high school.

      Like

      Reply
      • hethrgood
        Permalink

        Oh, I can relate!

        Their “end goal” (if you can call it that) is to make them feel superior and, thus, better about their own pathetic selves. It’s the same reason I pop off snarky comments about peeps I’m pissed off at – to make me feel better in the moment by venting my anger/hurt. I, generally, only talk crap about other people behind closed doors to the hubs or my mom – and I suspect EVERYONE does that. Taking it public with a group of people is simply bullying and ridiculous. It really just says more about the shit talkers than it does about the object of their judgment.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Teresa
        Permalink

        Everyone vents. It’s a natural human thing because we all get annoyed at each other. You can’t be in close proximity to people in your job or family or whatever without personalities occasionally clashing.

        You’re right about the people who want to make it public being bullies. I don’t know why I never thought about it in those terms before… maybe because in my mind a bully is a 12 year old boy with acne and the people we’re talking about are adults. I expect more from adults.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Exploding_Nova
    Permalink

    Great post sis! You are by far one of my favorite people ever, and one of the very few that I care to pay attention to and involve myself with. It’s unfortunate that you find these types of people at literally every level. Example: 2k followers is amazing! BUT…. When your bio is talking about PR and you’re naming your followers that YOU DON’T EVEN RESPOND TO, it’s just….. Well, it’s a shame. That will never get you anywhere, but if it does, it WILL NOT keep you on top. It sucks because there are ladies (fortunately only a couple) that I really liked, and now I’m watching their heads swell and for what? Why? AND don’t let me get started on copying people’s ideas and style…. I’m gonna stop now. I loved this and I have so much love for you! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜˜

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Teresa
      Permalink

      Thank you! See y’all, mutual admiration society.

      I get that at a certain level it gets difficult to respond to every comment or whatever, but if that’s your only job… I don’t know. And how much bearing does having likes or comments or followers have on someone’s actual life? It’s not as if they’re Kim K famous. Not that we shouldn’t strive to achieve whatever our personal definition of success is, but having 5k followers doesn’t make me any better than someone with 500 followers.

      I think about the way I conduct myself online, which is basically the same as in real life. I try not to be a dick. If I hurt someone, even accidentally, I apologize and try not to do it again. I don’t intentionally ignore people, especially people who like something I’m doing and want to support me. That’s how we “met”! I love sharing ideas and collectively coming up with new stuff, but stealing is bad and wrong. You know, shit they taught us in pre-school.

      Tl;dr I also love you, love seeing your content, and fully intend to keep my head at its current, mostly proportional size.

      Like

      Reply

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