I’ve talked myself into and then back out of making videos about a dozen times every day for the last few weeks. I have reservations about it, and I was hoping that we could talk it out.
I don’t know why I suddenly feel like videos are a thing I should do. Could it be because I watch too much YouTube? It’s not entirely out of the question I suppose. I’m still terrified, but for more than just the normal stage fright reasons. I’m also scared because… well, I’m fat.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Ok Teresa, but that’s kind of irrelevant”, I understand. I also think that you’re wrong about the relevance of that fact.
People on the internet are mean. Not just garden variety shitty but like seriously awful. That’s not to say that everyone on the internet is mean; I mean, I’ve only gotten support from the community here, but YouTube isn’t like WordPress. It’s kind of a cesspool, and we’ve all heard the horror stories from YouTubers about the hate they receive that’s completely unfounded. Even when it comes to beauty YouTubers. I mean, come on, it’s makeup. How are you getting threats?
Anyway, aside from being fat there are other things that I’m self-conscious about: my teeth aren’t super white because I love coffee. I’m also missing a tooth due to an accident when I was a little kid. My lips are thin. I don’t have flawless skin, as hard as I try. My hair gets a little ratty. I’m starting to get wrinkles. I have a round face. Like, I’m a normal person and I don’t want to get Botox/cosmetic surgery/veneers/extensions/injections. Like, I’m happy with the way I am and the way that I look, for the most part. I’d like to lose weight, but it’s not something I want to be pointed out by a bunch of internet trolls.
There’s also my skills. Like, I’m not that good at doing my own makeup. I generally just slap some shit on my face and hope it turns out ok. I don’t ever have a goal and I don’t get too fancy with things. I don’t really contour. I don’t do cut creases. Would my videos be boring? Would I be helping anyone?
I don’t know… maybe this is just me being afraid and making excuses not to do something that I want to do. It took so much just to start this blog; I was really in a panic the first time I hit ‘Publish’. Maybe I just need to do it and figure it out as I go.
Comments? Input? Do you guys talk yourselves out of stuff? What do you think about YouTube? If I make videos is there anything you want to see? Come on people, I need your help!